Wednesday, October 14, 2009


i remember the first time i ever had my heart broken.

it was the worst experience a person's emotional psyche could go through.
it was as if my body felt emotions that were conjured up from some invisible or highly repressed thought-life of mine, that i never knew could actually come to the surface and surprise me.. i was enraged,..to feel.
it was a sensory output, that i was terribly afraid of.
it was as if the pain was so vivid, vibrant, and scorchingly loud throughout my body, it rang through my central nervous system where it seemed to influence and inhibit everything that i perceived.
my perception was warped to a terrible sickness where paranoia seemed the norm. a disease where all of humanity was trying to find the cure, but not necessarily..

it was the implications and stabbing double-side of love, that people knew about, but gladly walked into it without realizing it's powerful and all-encompassing effects. it is only until after you realize your standing in the center of the eye of this hurricane , that you stop in wonder and the walls of memories around you.

...maybe why we are so attracted to the battles of life and the pain that came from an emotional upheaval shared by only two people in the entire universe, is because of the closeness it seemingly brings. in it's own sadistic way, yes, some of us 'young hearts' are drawn to that.

this insatiable need to place their heart into something that has a 50 percent chance for the trap to close.
maybe, it's an indication of what we were all conditioned to do.
to be human, is to feel. yes,..we know.

but, to feel in the most Holiest of ways. to walk that life and breath out, in a way where each one was not wasted. to put our strain into something.. Those places and moments that, as the the tide turns, our investment becomes more and more refined into gold...rather than deprecated with every turn of the clock.

we were meant to put our investment into something tangible,..Eternal.

to...not let our emotions, our feelings, our intrinsic life be wasted..even if we forget them, they are not.
we are not a dying breath, we are not all lost souls, flying loose in the savage winds.

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