Wednesday, December 30, 2009

funeral of a beautiful mind.

you used to shape the world for me, in ways that my soul only wished to embody.. to lay before you like a memory painted on canvas as a dream. i wanted to engulf every word; let it penetrate my concentration so my skin finally shed anew and shown it's true color.
you used to commemorate a collision of cataclysmic patterns of thought that only brought me more into a hunger for new revelation. it wasn't so much the answers you brought, there were more questions mixed with personal fears, but the ways you sought it out without my permission. there was a beauty in the antithesis of your struggle and the discontentment with what was inexcusably and artificially laid before you. you had daggers for eyes, and wouldn't allow yourself to see anything less. you felt the inconspicuous interactions within the atmosphere, and you let them both challenge and affect you.. and within that struggle, i confessed to myself 'my God, you are beautiful'. in all your imperfections you were immaculate. you were a heightened dream, an unanswered prayer, a beautiful, hypnotic glow in the darkest of nights. in my eyes, you moved with such fluidity, slow motion and without speaking a word. you were energizing to me. you were fateful..
i watched slowly as your attention turned away and you bent towards the darkness as one felt allergic to the light.

the cataclysms in your eyes started to dissipate and i desperately resorted to a search. a sign of any form of rejuvenation. i searched agonizingly like two pilgrims creating a genesis to reach the apex of your face..with every dying breath of anticipation stolen by the dimming realization; i came upon the murder of a beautiful mind..you drew in the crowd's poison like a sadistic sting. you let her seduction cloud your mental imagery to a monotone drone and hated every meticulous, secret, hidden oasis you built. you wished for the warmth only given by the women whose lamps were fueled of stolen oil, and only burned half full.
my perception of you began to darken as i strained my eyes to recollect you, as if my retinas had strength to bring you back into focus and full view. with every attempt you seemed to shake off that which set you apart, and with my every sinking cell that went down with my lost dream of you, you began to cast a thin shadow and walked heavily within the monotonous crowd as i lost you in the drone. your speech became cheap and contradicting full of trap doors that only lead to dead ends. and if there were never ending hallways they lead in circles and only created illusions of that which could never be solid.
your speech became protocol, no longer pushing through glass ceilings. you let yourself get sucked dry by the vices that called you for their own. you ruled among dunces who spoke words of disillusionment to appease your unsettling thoughts and kill your ability to dream in an innovative state of mind.

and in the here and now, the grains that i seemed to grasp, i've now only let sink in between my fingers. and the vision and thought of you, only brought a biting reminder of what once was. and in my every step into the future, i continue to elaborate, ruminate, and unfold. when catching glimpses of you, felt like pangs shooting to the mourning of a beautiful mind.

No comments: