i feel it in my bones. this quiet discontentment will soon as much rage a deep fire and overtake me. i hunger for it. my arms and body are quaking for this revolution in my spirit. it's a hot, hot heat that's seems to travel up my blood and makes itself evident in my eyes. it's something i cannot hide.. i've been ashamed of the will to. it's been more painful, during everyday conversation. with every draw of the bucket to try to catch eternal water from unfit wells or springs. i'm searching for the eternal spring. the Streams of living water. i'm searching for that eternal heat.
that Infinite glow.
that uncontrollable fire. that .. that..
 but very few could i unleash this with. very few choose to burn lamps together;
very few will turn their back on safety and come in search for this lost island with me. this eternal spring. this appalling mountain that must be climbed to reach it.
i'm not afraid of surrender...
the risk, .. the climb, the unhinging search, makes this all the more worth it..


only to have in place of it, my eternal identity.
there's something beautiful and unrelenting to me about being consumed.
being scorched and charred;
riveted out of my seat with something that can never be from another.
surrendering to something that will surely, as it should, take your control away.
i'm not afraid. in fact i long for it, as one maddeningly running through the dessert,
 for just a glimpse of that eternal stream in the darkness.