"So instead of giving in to despair I chose active melancholy, in so far as I was capable of activity, in other words I chose the kind of melancholy that hopes, that strives and that seeks, in preference to the melancholy that despairs numbly and in distress. "- Vincent van gogh

i came across his letters today,..and there seems to be an understated illumination to his demeanor through his words. i tend to feel that. i can always sense the deepest part of a person, through just the way they choose their form of sentences and how they say it.

..sometimes, i cannot even look a person in the eyes, because i am afraid of what i might see.

vincent had the words correctly for what I am most of the time. it is not that i am sad, or that even melancholy is considered a treacherous concept in my lifestyle. it's a stimulus. it catalyzes me, i know i am doing what is meant for it with good.