mental reel.

© Paul Phung

 © Paul Phung

Doug Appling.

private.

{cave isolation}

time to establish my inner sanctum.

here. i wont leave this room for days,

 where holiness is birthed in secret,

will sprout.

and catalyze.

revelations..bring way to dreams.. to revelations. to dreams..
all in succession.

© todd hildo

where i am made tenuous,
and i dematerialize.

new life..

there are recurring moments, that i find myself walking the streets at night, 

to gain solace and satisfy my thoughts.

video recollective/ journal entries coming soon.

ive ... fallen in love

if i were to ever write a love letter..
i know it'd be the most dangerous of all exudations.
i've never given myself time or breath enough to feel...

i never felt i could form a solid connection with anyone at all..
everything was like walking through this pillar of time to the next,
i only saw translucently through the people and time lines in my life.
this world to the next.. this world to the next.

everything inside of me was that made of invisible hooks, specifically shaped crevices, ...molds with intricately designed patterns and mechanisms on it's surface,....that no man seemed to take the time.. or were just not built for that kind of facet.

and now, it has hit me like a whirlwind.
it has placated and overrided my mind..and i'm falling to pieces..
it's the most terrifying of all pleasures.

the most eradicating of all beliefs of solo existence.
and now, i'm left standing in Awe.. quivering at the beautiful fear,
uncoiling at the knees,
 and New Belief.

the wind encompassing me and surging through the mental gaze of the intangible's plans.

i literally felt my body melt in between the folds of ever-changing, multifaceted sound.

this.. is how ..it should always be.

to fall in love with the art,
before ...
 him.

i have this culminating, deep secret

..with him one day.

to  completely disappear off the face of the earth.

and find solace in the mountains.

journal entry: 02

' i need an abandoned hotel room for days... to isolate myself ...from myself.

do you ever get tired of  yourself? .. do you ever get an astringent, pungent feeling

in your retinas? 

..i appreciate the grittiness and vulnerable states of morning ,

but i also unfold in the uncompromising intensity of night. the convoluted implications,

the unhindered, wild imagination and nature..

i realize,.. that every where i go physically, i turn that place into a 'think tank'...

i despise myself for trying to disguise and shield on the surface, by trying to make 'light conversation'..

journal entry: 01

" i hope oh dear,  Lord.. they can find the fire behind my eyes... the weight.. the feeling .. the thought Provocation. the brevity. I want to singe.

(If I must burn

You must burn also).

...i really must get myself together.

I really must live the hermit life.

...i really want to be honest with myself."
9/22

through the senses

please consider: 

David Solomini (http://www.davidsolomini.com)

"Desperation is the Raw material for drastic change".