[videoperceive]

in a span of one week....

[slip in between]

Once again im finding my self into this abberition of utopian escape.

My heart beat ripening as I relax to the fact that this solemn landscape of contaminated and intruded memory will soon form an alternative reality.

Memories we've never had , pass here momentarily...and in them we've lived a thousand lifetimes together.if only in my sleep-induced state of mind. And in this barren landscape set to the distraction of a lucid, counterfeit, reality. I will meet you here once again.

Because I swear, in my waking moments i've relived this scenario a thousand times again.. and I'll breathe you in like I've never done before. And your kiss in this dreamscape will feel more tangible to my senses than mere touch itself..

Tell me... ask yourself..: can passion exceed in intensity when it's only formed in the mind? Is ectasy and bliss truly at it' s peak when there's no construct to cage or mask it's alluring form with physical conclusion?

Here in this dream state, i've touched you a thousand times. And together we've grown up a billion years as our minds and hearts continue to push towards the vine. The fountain of wisdom that denotes pure ecstacy. Only when our physical bodies are at rest, does our imagination and mind tell us what our controlled reality will never let us know.

And in our sleep state, our senses are heightened to keep in tune with the real reality, then when we are awake..

and in my bed i'll toss and turn and feel the fibers of my covers brush against me. That interrupts this transitory visitation of glimpses of eternity..

Then I lie awake, back in a flat, 2 dimensional uncertain certainty. As the memories of the ethereal continue to reverberate then evaporate from my mind.. and threaten it's own rememberance. I conjur up the energy to write it down mentally as if with ink that carries an expiration date.

Oh, the revelations of the night.

Oh, what journey's we've experienced.. with eyes tightly closed, saturted in embryo sweat, deep breaths..but heart, spirit, and soul in constant flight.

there's something with that need to create that keeps my mind ticking at this unknown hour. it's 419 am and i am completely alive.. i think im one step away from madness, and at this time that doesn't seem to dissuade me.

[music time capsule]

it's very interesting how music can automatically transfer you back to a certain moment in your life. I was rummaging through my glove compartment box today, with a moment of flurry, subconsciously thought that i threw out all of my physical cds to convert my car to solely digital ...until i came across one blank cd, hidden between the folds of envelopes. without a title or mark of description to pin point it's familiarity,.. my curiosity and intrigue were brimming as i decided to pop this mysterious cd in. ...with a bit of recklessness, i decided to skip to any random track ahead instead of letting it play it's full course. immediately, my car filled with sounds of a moment in time and an ache came to the pit of my stomach and a flushed warmth ran across my temples and my face. i started to feel shortness of breath and i , driving down 50mph down a unknown road in maitland, was no longer there but somewhere else. i felt as if i was staring into a portal straight ahead as the music began to influence my reality and bring it into complete control. suddenly, i was no longer in my car by myself trying to make it to an appointment, but... i was sitting in the car with him. or staring into his eyes on dimly lit road as conversation, moment, and gaze was overwhelmingly relived. it was both a pleasurable and torturous experience as the cd began to play ruthlessly. i felt as if he was still there with me, i can picture his gaze and the shift in atmosphere from his breathing.. it was so tangible as the notes reminded me of the heartache, pain, and stress he caused. it's so funny how music has a way of always remembering. and, if you're like me, feel so impassioned by it's ability, that it transports you to a place when that song was the ink to your unwritten journal page. skipping through, track by track, i was able to see that this unnamed cd was a recollection of what i could one day show to others what exactly was plaguing my mind in that scenario. the lyrics, the sadness, the melodies, the highs and lows all had very deeply revealing and intensified meanings. it was strange to look at myself now in the future opening a window to who i was then by the sound of a song. coming from that experience of what that soundtrack was a witness of, i will never think of that situation the same way again. and i am thankful, i've left it.

I'm still overwhelmed. still dismayed deeply at the shocking suicide of "lee" alexander mcqueen. he was described as a "quiet genius" .. one whose serious demeanor and deep attention and mulling over to detail made him excel way beyond anyone's expectations.

why..
and how could someone with such an innovative breath and beautiful realization of what we ourselves have a hard time pinpointing, take his life.
why does a point of view never seen before- leave us this way?

[...]

i adore.

this will be my next exploration of expression